Keep'Em in Stitches ' Blondes Have More Fun'

A farmer and his son came to town , which they hardly ever did except on special occasions . This time they went into the lobby of a fine hotel . They saw two shiny doors open . An old lady , overweight and in a wheelchair , entered the door to a little room . The door closed , and they saw the numbers above the dooway flash on and off all the way up to twwelve where the light stayed on for awhile .
After awhile , they saw the lights flash on and off from twelve back down to number one . When the doors open , a very beautiful londe walked out . Surprised , the two looked at each other , and the dad said to the son , "Go quickly and get your mama."
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One blonde bought a puzzle , stayed up all night and put it together . She thought she was extra smart because she finished it so quickly . The box had written on it : "for 3-5 years."
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A blonde bought an AM radio and had it six months before she knew she could play it at night .
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Did you hear about the blonde mortician ? A woman went to the funeral home and found that the mortician had dressed her deceased husband in a black suit . She told the blonde mortician that she wanted him buried in a blue suit , and gave her a blank check , saying that money was no object . "Buy him the best suit possible ."
She went back the next day to find her husband dressed in the blue suit ; and the blonde mortician gave the woman back her check . When questioned , the mortician said , "The suit will not cost you anything . Another woman brought her husband in dressed in a blue suit and said just to make him look nice ." The woman said , "So you just swapped the suits ?" "No," the blonde mortician said . "I just swapped their heads .
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Another blonde was on the plane in the first-class section when the flight attendent told her that her ticket was for the regular passenger section . She told him , "I'm a blonde , I'm beautiful . I'm going to New York , and I'm not moving .
The flight attendent went and told the captain that the woman would not move , so the Captian said , "I'm married to a blonde ; I'll talk to her ." He went back and whispered something in her ear . Immediately she got up and said , " Why didn't someone tell me this ?"
The flight attendent was amazed at how quickly the woman changed seats , so he asked the captain what had he told her . The Captain said that he told te blonde the first-class section was not going to New York .
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Why did the blonde collect burned out light bulbs ? So she could use them in her darkroom .
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The best sermons are lived ... not preached .
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A fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts after he's lost his sense of vision .
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Humor is funny business . It'll get them laughing . Then you can hit them in the teeth without bustin' their lips .