Keep'Em in Stitches 'Public Servants'

A lady called the fire station and said that her house was on fire . The fire chief asked , "How do we get there ?" She said , "Don't y'all stil have those little red fire trucks ?

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A man staggered out of a bar and out to the street . He was walking with one foot on the curb and the other foot on the street when a policeman saw him , tapped him on the shoulder , and said , "You'll have to come with me ... you are drunk ." The man looked at him and said , "Thank God . I thought I was crippled ."

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A redneck sheriff stopped by a boy in a car on the back roads and told him to roll down his window and show him his driver's license . He asked the boy where he was from , and the boy said , "Chicago." The sheriff looked at the driver's licence and said , "What are you doing with this Illinois driver's licence , boy?"

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A state trooper was driving along a mountain road and saw an Indian lying with his ear to the ground . He heard him saying , "Chevy pickup , large tires , green and man driving with large German Shepherd in Passenger seat . Loaded with firewood , Ca lifornia licence plate 1-896-PUC." The trooper asked , "You mean you can tell all that by listening to the ground?" "No," the Indian said . "The truck just ran over me ."

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A woman was about to have a baby . The time came and the husband called 911. The dispatcher tried to calm him down ; she asked him , "Is this her first child ?" He said , "No , i'm her husband ."

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A man found a monkey loose on the street . He picked him up , put him in his truck , and started down the street . A cop saw him and said , "Man , you ought to take him to the zoo ." So the next day he was driving and the cop saw him again , "I thought you was gonna take hom to the zoo ." The man said , "I did and we had so much fun that today we're going to the fair ."

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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short on time and couldn't find a space with a meter . Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read : I'll have c ircled the block ten times . If I don't park here , I'll miss my appointment . Forgive us our trespasses ."

*** When he returned , he found a citation from a police officer along with this note , "I've circled this block for ten years . If I don't give you a ticket , I'll lose my job . Lead us not into temptation."

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Two elderly people were pulled over by a policeman who demanded the husband's driver's licence . The officer asked the man , "Do you know how fast you was going ? What's your destination ?"

*** The husband gave him his licence and said , "We're going to Ruston , Louisiana ."

The trooper said , "I knew a woman there who was so ugly , she could make a train go down a dirt road ."

*** The wife said , "Who could not hear very well , asked , "What did he say ?" The husband replied , "He said he thinks he knows you ."

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A man found a body in New Orleans and called 911 . The operator asked , "Where are you ?" The man said , I am on Thopatulas Street ." She said , "Spell that for me ."

The man thought for a moment and then said , "Can't I just drag him over to Oak Street and then you can pick him up from there ?"