Keep'Em in Stitches "Rednecks & Good Ole Boys"

An old fellow was being interviewed on a radio program . He was asked what was the greatest invention ever invented .

"Well , I think the car was the greatest thing that amn ever came up with . You used to have to walk or ride a mule everywhere you went."

The next fellow was asked the same question .

He said , "The airplane is the greatest invention because you can get on it and go all over the world nowadays."

The next old country fellow was asked the same question .

And he said , "The thermos bottle was the greatest thing that was ever made.

The interviewer asked why he thought that .

And the old boy replied , "Well you can put something in it one morning hot , and it will keep hot all day . Then the next day you can put something in it cold , and it will keep cold all day .

Then the interviewer said , "What's so special about that ?"

He said , "How does the thermos know ?"

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The country boy got a job in the city . He thought group insurance meant the whole group had to get sick before you could collect .

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A duck hunter had a dog that he was very proud of , so he asked his neighbor to come over for a demonstration . He would shoot a duck , and the dog would walk across the water and bring back the duck . He did this several times , and the neighbor didn't seem to be impressed at all . He said , "That dog can't swim , can he ?"

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A man in town was very slow ; you might say his elevator didn't go all the way to the top floor . The town council felt sorry for him and gave him the job of shining the cannon that was down at the square . He worked hard at it for a number of months . Then he came in one day and said I quit .

The council said , "We thought you were doing a good job ."

He replied , "Yes , I been workin' hard and savin' my money . I finally decided to buy my own cannon and go into business for myself ."

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Two factory owners were in the office talking about the stupid men they had working for them . One said , "I'll show you just how stupid some of them are ." He called one of his men to the office , gave him a quarter and told him to go and buy him a new cadillac .

The worker took the quarter and went outside . The other owner said , That's nothing compared to one of my men ." So he called his man to the office and told him to go down to the bowling alley and see if he was there .

So that worker went outside and started talking with the first worker . The first worker said , "My boss is so stupid , he gave me this quarter and told me to go but him a new Cadillac . He knew all the time I couldn't drive ."

The other one said , "That's nothing . My boss told me to go down to the bowlimg alley to see if he's down there , and all he would have to do is pick up the phone and call down there to see for himself .

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Leroy : "What are you doing ?"

Darrell : "I'm writing a letter to a friend ."

Leroy : Don't try to fool me . You can't write ."

Darrell : "That's all right . He can't read either ."

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While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up with an Amish carriage . The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor . Attached to the back of the carriage was a hand painted sign that read , "Energy efficient vehicle : runs on oats and grass . Caution : Do not step in exhaust ."

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An optimist is one who takes a frying pan on a fishing trip .

If you want someone to laugh at your jokes , tell them they have a good sense of humor .

If Satan knocks on your door , ask Jesus if He will get the door for you ... Satan will run like Hell .